Hello. I just spent a good bit of time scrolling through my previous attempts at blogging, and while sometimes embarrassing to read again, it was mostly an adorable travel back through time filled with real feelings and attempts at humor.
I won't spend a lot of time apologizing to the pretend people reading this about my stop-and-start attempts to blog, but I will say this: things are about to change on this corner of the internet. Why? Without realizing it, two people who are incredibly important to me, whispered life into a very real, very deep-down dream that I've ignored, excused, and invalidated before anyone else could beat me to it. The dream? To write.
Man, it's scary to write that where other people can see it.
Having a blog, and writing on it regularly (expect multiple posts a week!), for me, has felt like I was pretending to be something I'm not; every time I've started to think about writing, and subsequently publishing that writing where other people could have the opportunity to read it, I've talked myself out of it. The details of the self-deprecation are less important than the fact that ultimately, my unwillingness to practice the thing for which I have an interest and great passion because I feel like I'm not good enough is a self-fulfilling prophesy. How do I preach to my kids that they get better at reading, writing, thinking critically? By doing those things over and over until the craft improves. Why, then, have I not been walking the walk?
I don't have a clear answer for that question. I think that fear of failure is a huge part of it. But do you want to hear a crazy thing? This desire to write has been with me my whole adulthood (see: previous attempts to blog), but I've been too afraid to share it for fear of people validating the fear that I have spent so much time strengthening in myself: that what I have to say isn't important, that my voice isn't a necessary one to add to the multitudes.
That's not truth. It may not be the loudest, or the funniest, or the wisest, but thanks to some folks seeing in me what I was too afraid to admit, we are here: I will write, and read, and think critically about the things that I have something to contribute, and I will keep doing it over and over until my craft improves.
The difference, I think, between this blog for the last five years, and today is someone taking the time to tell me that my dreams matter, and my choosing to hear them instead of that nasty little voice in my mind.
So, here's to a fresh start, to me putting into practice what I hope to instill in my students every day: You matter. Your dreams matter. And sometimes, all it takes is one person telling you that until you can hear them.
Look for someone to do this for. There is no way to know the potential of speaking life into someone's dream (I'll leave out the cliche that's trying it's hardest to land here, like: you might be the spark someone's fire needs, or something about being the baton-passer). But also? Look for your dream. You may have to dig deep for this one, depending on your self-sabotaging skills (I know I did)--I don't mean like bucket-list style, but your big, giant, "God-ask" dream. Then give it some space, some validation, and let's meet back here in a few days. The next post won't be like this one, but it will be me, trying to give my dream a little wiggle room.
Thanks for reading.